Feminine FTMs wanting to be gay men makes no sense. Please explain. And is rapid onset gender dysphoria valid?
How can someone who has lived comfortably under societal guidelines for their sex suddenly decide, “I’m the opposite!”? A girl with all female friends who has an incredibly female socialization, and “fits in” solidly into the median of what society embraces as woman has no understanding of manhood. The best she can do is create an internalized framework of what a man amounts to. This framework is based on external observation. Media portrayal, popular culture, male family members and friends (if any). There’s no acknowledgement or conscious perception that this internalized framework is a product of environmental agents. With rapid onset gender dysphoria (ROGD), the desire to change genders is based on a vision that is a caricature of the opposite sex’s experience and essence.
Conversely, a girl who from an early age has played exclusively with boys, displayed masculine mannerisms and deviates from the median societal expectation of femininity is a legitimate claimant, if that’s her inclination. The interesting thing is that many women who understand men’s experience and “know” what it’s like to feel like a man have no desire to be men.
Isn’t it strange then that the girl who has no experience with men or any understanding beyond caricature wants to be a boy? Meanwhile the woman who knows men IRL and understands their experience is happy with being a woman?
(This is the same for TiM/MTF individuals)
My question is, why?
I've met a number of feminine FTMs, and they are usually straight (sometimes bi) women who fetishize gay men. They then complain about how "phallocentric" gay men are (I shit you not). Partly they may be seeking to be able to have a relationship with a man without that undercurrent (or more) of misogyny to contend with, too. They usually assume I identify as a man on sight because of my hair and how I dress. (Yep, that's real progressive for straight women to assume the lesbian must want to be a man. Shit like that in the QT community contributed to alienating me from being proud as a gender non-conforming woman as I was raised to take pride in my nonconformity to hating my physical body and sexed organs and getting a referral to an endocrinologist I fortunately never could get to.)
I think it has a lot to do with how things that get girls judged as dumb and superficial are seen as making boys cool and special. Imagine trying to be David Bowie, but female. It's a real drag. Young women trying to figure it all out can fall into this trap because actual self-acceptance receives so little support.
I'm pretty sure feminine ''gay'' trans''men'' would stop suffering from ''dysphoria'' if they stopped consuming yaoi porn
Most FTMs I know have been victims of horrible sexual abuse. I think there’s an element of rejecting traits associated with pain and abuse. I think there’s also not fitting in with societal expectations (enjoying STEM, sports, etc) and not living in an environment affirming of those preferences.
I think the way you’ve framed the issue makes it hard to be relatable. I think most TiMs and FiMs have dysphoria making it emotionally difficult to come to terms with physical realities.
For all the things I do not like about TRAs and the toxicity of the movement, I do think these are people who deserve some empathy for going through tough things.