Matt Barber #fundie barbwire.com

[Matt Barber posts a satirical "interview with the progressive mind."]

I recently caught up with Progressy, iPhone in hand and sipping a Cinnamon Dolce Latte at a packed SoHo Starbucks between angry and aimlessly incoherent protests against the evil corporatocracy. He/she/ze/it graciously agreed to sit down and give me a brief, though refreshingly unguarded, interview.

[...]

MB: Some say that the main goal of progressives was never "marriage equality," but, rather, to undermine the very institutions of marriage and family. How do you respond to them?

Progressy: Well, duh. The very idea of marriage and family is offensive and obsolete. The whole point of marriage equality is to faze them out - to attack the patriarchy. You mentioned studies. Well, studies have shown that traditional marriage and the nuclear family structure have the harmful effect of both challenging and diminishing government authority. If anything and everything, any combination of people or peoples, young, old, male, female, related, unrelated, two to 100, can constitute marriage and family, then what need will there be for marriage and family at all? Since original marriage, "traditional marriage," so clearly undermines progressive state authority, it stands to follow that the family must be rendered meaningless.

The idea has always been for progressive government to replace family outright. Redefining the family into oblivion is just one means to establish widespread dependency on the government. We never gave two flips about "marriage equality." It was never about having the white picket fence, it's always been about burning down the white picket fence. Why honor one's "father and mother," after all, when one has the government? What need is there? Government merits both honor and respect. Not only does the traditional family provide little utility for the collective, it affirmatively undercuts respect for state authority. The government provides security. The government provides emotional stability. The government provides for each and every conceivable need. Therefore, the government is, effectively, both "father and mother." The government is family. "Honor thy father and mother?" Ha! Forget it. One day soon the progressive slogan, "Children, honor thy government" will be found posted throughout the halls of every public school. We've already done a bang up job removing prayer and any reference to God. Now it's time to replace them. Progressive government is god.

MB: OK, Progressy, thanks for your time today. It's been illuminating. Looking forward to the anarchy. Happy world domination.

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