graemephillips #fundie wrongplanet.net

[Comments under "Raised by Aspergers parent"]

@mysterious_misfit

@graemephillips
A lot of people here born to an aspie parent seem to be saying that the parent in question was extremely strict. I am a male diagnosed (more or less) as having Asperger's syndrome in my mid-20s and would like children of my own some day. However, one thing I have considered is that I might have less slack to cut my children on account of being an aspie and may therefore need to be more of a disciplinarian than if I were a neurotypical. I am not sure what I would think about physical discipline if I weren't a Christian, but given that I am one, I view it as being mandatory (Proverbs 13:24). I view it as being paramount that parents maintain self-control wherever possible and it is my view that a responsible parent will understand that everyone has a limited patience span, attempt to learn the extent of his/her patience span and take steps to discipline his/her children long before the boundaries of his/her patience have been reached. If I have children of my own, I will want to do my best by them at whatever cost to myself, which will undoubtedly mean using physical discipline on them for matters that other parents might consider minor so that I can stay within my limits and having the courage to stay on the path because I know it is the right thing, regardless of how distressing I find it. If I have children of my own, it is my view that I will be morally obliged to lay down my life for my children and/or wife if necessary (Ephesians 5:25), and so any pain I might cause myself by the use of physical discipline on my children is a minor matter.

Many "experts" in the field of autism spectrum conditions like to berate fathers on the spectrum for being disciplinarians, but I think that in many cases, they are merely being responsible fathers. If a neurotypical wife has the luxury of having a significantly longer patience span, she should not go out of her way to make life harder for her aspie husband by berating him for resorting to discipline earlier than she would otherwise do, or by undercutting him. Instead, she should be giving him as much moral support as is necessary to function as the leader of his family.

graemephillips, if you are talking about spanking, you need to do further research into child development. Spanking is never beneficial to a child, and destroys trust between the child and parent.

I think all Aspergian parents need to make sure to constantly develop a wider parenting vocabulary. A parenting vocabulary is the mental catalog of parenting techniques you can pull from. You don't want to end up doing just one parenting technique over and over. Like my parents who spanked over every little thing because they had no idea what else they could do. They had a parenting vocabulary of only one thing.

Posted by graemephillips:

I have no intention of doing any further research into child development. If the Bible describes it as mandatory (Proverbs 13:24), then as far as I'm concerned, I have absolutely no reason to look into things any further. It is my view that no human has any wisdom in excess of that in the Bible.

I fully agree that all parents need to have a wide vocabulary of techniques. A parent who only knows how to use spanking is a weak parent. Spanking should be used as part of a sliding scale of techniques (e.g. first offence verbal warning, second offence naughty corner and third offence spanking). If your parents found themselves spanking you (and any siblings you might have had) excessively, it suggests shortcomings in their application of the technique. Used properly, spanking is an essential tool for raising disciplined children, but used improperly, it either makes no difference or makes things worse.

[Bolding mine]

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