Yesterday, Rich Lowry at Politico wrote about “The Mystery Night” on September 11th, 2012 when the current US President disappeared for many hours and was seemingly unavailable—despite the fact that the first US Ambassador in 30 years had been murdered in the line of duty. Lowry wonders where Barack Obama disappeared to that fateful night—and why White House aide Dan Pfeiffer insists it’s “irrelevant” where Obama was in those missing hours.

If you’ve ever known anyone who is a drug addict, you’d see it’s obvious that Barack Obama was high on cocaine the night of Benghazi; it is the only logical explanation for his disappearance and the White House’s refusal to comment on what he was doing at the time. Since this was a night of great crisis for our country, the only logical reason that the White House won’t explain where the president was is if this man was high as a kite on illegal narcotics at the time.

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After reading Lowry’s article, my good friend Justine in California emailed me to ask whether I thought Obama was having sex with Reggie Love during the “missing hours” and if that’s where he was. Justine was an actress and model in Los Angeles back in the late-1970s and ran in the same circles as friends of closeted gay men like Rock Hudson—so her first instinct with Obama and Benghazi is that he and Reggie Love were getting at it and Obama didn’t want to be disturbed.

I think Obama doing cocaine is a much better explanation for his missing hours, simply because at his age and with all the men he’s been with it’s not like he couldn’t just stop romancing Reggie for a little bit—and then get back to it when they were in Vegas. I know the stereotype of gay guys is that we’re all sex-crazed and can’t control ourselves, but even the biggest gay sexual glutton in the world can pull himself away from a hot guy long enough to take care of something important (if need be). It’s not like this would have been the first time that Barack Obama was having gay sex—so surely he could have pushed “pause” to be president for a while (before getting back to whatever he was up to when the crisis was over).

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I would gladly retract this story if the White House would sufficiently explain Barack Obama’s whereabouts during those missing hours and prove he was not out of his mind on cocaine at the time (or gluttonously engaged in gay sex, as my friend Justine believes).