Laura #fundie

Laura #fundie mormondna.org

You guys are all crazy and going to hell. What a shame because I have noticed that you all seem like good people. God was never a man. And you will never come close to ever measuring up to the dirt Jesus scrapped off his sandals when he walked the earth as a man. None of us ever will so how can you have the audacity to think that you can be "gods"? God is perfect, sinless. So was Jesus. That's why God sent him to die for our sins, then 3 days later he resurrected him. Joseph Smith was a clown who fooled a lot of people. God made us to glorify him. That is our purpose in life. When we die, those of us who followed Jesus' instructions, and teachings will get to heaven to glorify and worship God, NOT TO RULE PLANETS! Read the bible, the real bible, find some sense and repent. Hopefully not all of you will end up in the fire "where there will be crying and gnashing of teeth" for all eternity.

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old comment by Horsefeathers

"God was never a man. And you will never come close to ever measuring up to the dirt Jesus scrapped off his sandals when he walked the earth as a man."

I thought your god and Jesus were supposed to be the same person. Except when they're individuals, of course, but even then they're part of your Triune god which makes them all the same person no matter what. Or something.

"God is perfect, sinless. So was Jesus."

That must be why they wanted to stone Jesus to death for picking up sticks on the Sabbath. You know, for doing work. On the Sabbath. Which is a sin.

"That's why God sent him to die for our sins, then 3 days later he resurrected him."

I've asked this before and never gotten an answer that's even remotely satisfactory, so maybe you can help.

If Jesus is god, and god is timeless and immortal, and Jesus got the fuck back up after three days, how is that a sacrifice if Jesus is still kicking around in heaven?

"Joseph Smith was a clown who fooled a lot of people."

Which is why he chose religion as his preferred scam. The religious tend to be easier to dupe.

"God made us to glorify him. That is our purpose in life. When we die, those of us who followed Jesus' instructions, and teachings will get to heaven to glorify and worship God, NOT TO RULE PLANETS!"

Neither option sounds particularly enticing, to be honest.

"Read the bible, the real bible, find some sense and repent."

I think you should probably give it a good read through also if this post of yours is any indication of your familiarity with it and your theology.

old comment by farpadokly

"God was never a man..." "...when he walked the earth as a man". Huh?
"God sent him to die for our sins". How does that work? I mean how, precisely, does someone being killed wipe out our wrongdoing? Please explain.
"Those of us who followed Jesus's instructions" "If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me." Have you done that, Laura? Maybe you should sell that computer or device that you used to pour scorn on the Mormons, who don't believe anything crazier than the stuff you believe. It's just more recent.
"The real bible". Which one of the hundreds of versions of the Bible would that be?

old comment by John

God is perfect, sinless. So was Jesus. That's why God sent him to die for our sins

Fundie Beliefs #6: Christ’s Redemption

Finally one day, God changed His mind about the Magic Fruit curse and said "OK, I guess I’ll relent and remove my curse. I know what: I’ll send down My son (who’s really Me in disguise, hee hee) and let them torture Me to death! That’ll pay Me for removing the Magic Fruit curse that was put on them by Me."

OK, put like that, this doesn’t make a lot of sense, since if someone has a grudge against you, he’s not likely to demand that you nail his son to a cross to earn his forgiveness. But somehow that made sense to God, except that there’s this one additional condition: you have to communicate telepathically to God that you believe the guy who was nailed up was His Son, and that you accept the Son as your personal saviour*, even if God gives you cancer or wipes out your village with a flood. If you do, you may have a crappy life, but you’re guaranteed a fine spot in heaven after you die. You can kill, rape or do almost anything else except one of the following:

support abortion rights,
be a homosexual,
believe in evolution or global warming,
call for stronger gun laws,
support universal health care or
vote for a Democrat;

but as long as you believe in Jesus (and apologize) you’ll be among "the saved" and go to heaven. Then you can watch and snicker at all those Chardonnay-sipping New York liberals who, during life, made ten times as much money as you, cruised around in Lamborghinis and had sex with better-looking partners, as they weep and gnash their teeth in the Lake O'Fire®.

* Not "savior" - that has the Satanic six letters!

old comment by Skyknight

@Horsefeathers: I've actually read one claim (by Sproul Jr., I think) that said that God resurrected Jesus AS A REWARD FOR obediently suffering the cross; it was applied AFTER the sacrifice. That aside, I think the sacrifice is better understood as the absolute humiliation implied in a divinity of the caliber imputed to Jesus (i.e. the sort that would leave Mitra, Dumuzi, Inanna, etc. in the dust) lowering himself to suffering the agony of death. For some, having to partake of the common is among the most monstrous fates imaginable. A similar logic lies behind the idea of the Rapture, especially if you have LaHaye's view and think those left behind will have one last chance to accept God. The ones who DID get raptured are basically being rewarded for their faith in the penultimately worst time of history by being spared the agony of dying and death. Attaining Heaven without the ickiness of metempsychosis/metamorphosis/decay/etc.

@Laura: So...what will the elect of Heaven do if/when God decides he wants or needs a break from all the direct glorification?

old comment by Anon-e-moose

"When we die, those of us who followed Jesus' instructions, and teachings will get to heaven to glorify and worship God, NOT TO RULE PLANETS! Read the bible, the real bible, find some sense and repent. Hopefully not all of you will end up in the fire "where there will be crying and gnashing of teeth" for all eternity"

Not really. Y'see - via the terraforming/transforming ship/mecha Deucalion - I can make planets:

image

And as for that slight bother known as 'Death', I can simply ask Eclipse (Director of the GOTT) - via her G-class ability 'Kvant' ('Quantum') - to transfer my memories/personality matrix into a new body, thus I can have Eternal Life without 'Spiritual Salvation'.

Hey, one fiction is just as good as another, amirite?!

(I mean, have you read Mor[m]on scriptures?! It's right up there - or out there, like Pluto - with the OT-III Incident Document, the basis of $cientology!)

old comment by Anon-e-moose

@Sasha

'God made us to glorify him. That is our purpose in life.'

"Sounds like your god has a narcissism disorder. He should find a good therapist."

'And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that he would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt his existence.'

-Bertrand Russell

'Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.'

-Marcus Aurelius

@#1495717

Ermmmm... didn't the God Emperor of Man expressly forbid the formation of a religion based on him?! And isn't the very word of the Emperor himself law? Therefore, Ordo Malleus - for the crime of your own hyper-hypocrisy-based Heresy - Exterminatus thyselves.

[/Scenario Annihilated] [/smartarse] ;) X3

old comment by Anon-e-moose

"And you will never come close to ever measuring up to the dirt Jesus scrapped off his sandals".

Jesus Scrapped DIRT? Therefore the Samurai Pizza Cats are better than Jesus?:

image

(*sings*):

'They're stronger than old cheese (Stronger than old cheese!)
Stronger than dirt (Stronger than dirt!)
You step on their tails (MEOW!)
And you're gonna get hurt (Don't hurt me!)'

...hey, you said it, I didn't! =^_^=

"Samurai Pizza Cats". USA's equivalent of "The Magic Roundabout": take an existing animated series (in this case, Japan's "Kyatto Ninden Teyandee", throw out the original scripts (as Eric Thompson did with France's "Le Manège enchanté"), write a completely different character/scenario screenplay/script, and make it far better/funnier; both becoming cult TV favourites.

Laura #fundie mormondna.org

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