Quote# 42807

In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.

Mark Driscoll, quoted by Steve Wood, www.stevewood.cc 57 Comments [7/13/2008 1:08:56 AM]
Fundie Index: 8
Submitted By: spinetingler

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Mike

More blood for the blood god!

7/13/2008 1:10:55 AM

Brian-sama

If a guy can walk on water, turn it into wine, and replicate matter, what makes you think you could take him?

This isn't really fundie, but it's damn silly.

7/13/2008 1:11:35 AM

Allegory for Jesus

Which is why Christianity is able to appeal to so many people: their God is a schizophrenic blend of a pure, perfectly moral pacifist and a petty, warmongering destroyer. Which aspect of this duality is emphasized depends on what the worshipper wants to focus on. Militants and fundies focus on the blood lust and calls to violence, moderates and intellectuals focus on the calls for peace and love. And their religion is the only thing that flourishes in the process of this disingenuous and concealed difference of interpretation. It is excellent, in that they use the peace-lovers as their face for P.R., and let the war-lovers work behind the scenes to further their religion's goals, all while pulling out the "not a True Christian" card if the need arises. It is sickeningly genius.

Also: near-blasphemous internet tough guy for Jesus.

7/13/2008 1:19:51 AM

RavenWood

Who needs all that peace and love crap anyway! Bring on the violence!

7/13/2008 1:21:29 AM

dpareja

Brian-sama beat me.

7/13/2008 1:23:33 AM



Then you should be worshipping Mars or Thor, dumbass.

7/13/2008 1:35:36 AM

Osiris

How 'bout this Jesus?

7/13/2008 1:42:10 AM

iflurry

This really isn't too fundie - just honest.

7/13/2008 1:44:09 AM

Stella

haha... that reminds me of 'Taladega Nights'
"I'd like to imagine Jesus in a Tuxedo-Shirt. He sais 'I'm formal but I'm also here to party' "
"I like the baby Jesus best"
"I'd like to imagine Jesus as a Ninja"

7/13/2008 1:44:34 AM

Amanda

Jesus is Rambo with a sword? I must have missed that part.

7/13/2008 1:45:15 AM

ArmandT

Fuck Osiris beat me to it.

7/13/2008 1:45:54 AM

Eden

Bad for you Mark, as Jesus has more in common with the hippie you don´t like than with the vbuly that you like ;)

7/13/2008 1:47:33 AM

kingoftheheavies

Are you talking about jezuz, or Chuck Norris? Or the Terminator? Or Optimus Prime? Or post-jail Martha Stewart?

7/13/2008 1:47:37 AM

Illuminatalie

"I cannot worship a guy I can beat up"
Hahaha, I can't even comment on this one, it's too easy. What a bunch of repressed loons!

7/13/2008 1:54:29 AM

Hasher

Theres a page on the tvtropes site that should appeal to your idea of respect then: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AuthorityEqualsAsskicking

As for the guy who suggested Mars or Thor, well okay, but how about Tyr, he could beat loudmouth here up despite having LOST HIS RIGHT HAND! Now that's what I call a MAN'S god!

7/13/2008 2:05:55 AM

Philbert McAdamia, Atheistic Evolutionist, Death Stalinist, Darwinist

Jesus is ... with a tattoo down His leg,

WHOA! What about Big Daddy not liking tattoos?

I cannot worship the ... diaper ... Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.

Thou wouldst make the baby jesus cry?



7/13/2008 2:12:34 AM

kingoftheheavies

@stella

haha... that reminds me of 'Taladega Nights'
"I'd like to imagine Jesus in a Tuxedo-Shirt. He sais 'I'm formal but I'm also here to party' "
"I like the baby Jesus best"
"I'd like to imagine Jesus as a Ninja"


I like to imagine jesus with giant eagle's wings, singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd

7/13/2008 2:13:40 AM

Horsefeathers

"In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed."

You realize that Revelation (congratulations by the way for not adding an 's' to the end of that) was written to reassure early Christians that The End was near and that the Roman ruler of the time was going to get his just desserts, don't you?

It has nothing to do with future events. It was written for the immediate future, not events that are supposed to happen 2000 years later or even further.

"That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up."

Better find a new religion then.

7/13/2008 2:35:39 AM

Fishcakes

Hippie Halo Christ is who Jesus is supposed to be. You know, the "love your neighbor, be excellent, give to charity, etc." guy from that book?

I wish I knew how to post pics here. I've got an awesome picture just for this occasion. Actually, a comic panel. Jesus jumps down off the cross to beat the shit out of Zeus. It's the most awesome blasphemy ever.

7/13/2008 2:47:53 AM

Old Viking

A prize fighter with a sword? Well, it may not be fair, but it is Godlike.

7/13/2008 2:55:45 AM

Feminazi

Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg,
God is against tattoos.

a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed.
Remember when Peter cut that gaurds ear off. What did Jesus do, he healed it.

I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.
Jesus was carpenter. During the time he was believed to be alive they had no trucks, drills, or power tools. He did some heavy lifting, and was probably a strong guy.
He was also bruitally beaten to death, and rose again 3 days later.

You think you can take him?

Fishcakes- Use IMG code. Or you can copy and paste them from photobucket, tinypic, etc.

7/13/2008 3:37:08 AM

FundieBasher

So you want to worship Chuck Norris. Got it.

7/13/2008 3:59:12 AM

anonymous_troy

I like this part of the Bible so much I'm going to just ignore the other half!

YAY!

@Fishcakes:

Yeah, it's like a left bracket, 'img', right bracket, image URL, left bracket, slash, 'img', right bracket.

7/13/2008 4:13:15 AM

Bad Influence

... okay, you see, when people say, "Jesus was a liberal,"...

@ Fishcakes: It'd be more awesome if it wasn't drawn by Rob Liefeld. *shudders*

7/13/2008 4:35:07 AM

Beeblebrox

In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed.

1. [_____] represents indulgence instead of abstinence!

2. [_____] represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

3. [_____] represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!

4. [_____] represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!

5. [_____] represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!

6. [_____] represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!

7. [_____] represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!

8. [_____] represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!

9. [_____] has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!


Does this sound more like a guy you could worship?

7/13/2008 5:59:00 AM

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