Quote# 143231

[Comments under "Raised by Aspergers parent"]

@mysterious_misfit:
@graemephillips:
A lot of people here born to an aspie parent seem to be saying that the parent in question was extremely strict. I am a male diagnosed (more or less) as having Asperger's syndrome in my mid-20s and would like children of my own some day. However, one thing I have considered is that I might have less slack to cut my children on account of being an aspie and may therefore need to be more of a disciplinarian than if I were a neurotypical. I am not sure what I would think about physical discipline if I weren't a Christian, but given that I am one, I view it as being mandatory (Proverbs 13:24). I view it as being paramount that parents maintain self-control wherever possible and it is my view that a responsible parent will understand that everyone has a limited patience span, attempt to learn the extent of his/her patience span and take steps to discipline his/her children long before the boundaries of his/her patience have been reached. If I have children of my own, I will want to do my best by them at whatever cost to myself, which will undoubtedly mean using physical discipline on them for matters that other parents might consider minor so that I can stay within my limits and having the courage to stay on the path because I know it is the right thing, regardless of how distressing I find it. If I have children of my own, it is my view that I will be morally obliged to lay down my life for my children and/or wife if necessary (Ephesians 5:25), and so any pain I might cause myself by the use of physical discipline on my children is a minor matter.

Many "experts" in the field of autism spectrum conditions like to berate fathers on the spectrum for being disciplinarians, but I think that in many cases, they are merely being responsible fathers. If a neurotypical wife has the luxury of having a significantly longer patience span, she should not go out of her way to make life harder for her aspie husband by berating him for resorting to discipline earlier than she would otherwise do, or by undercutting him. Instead, she should be giving him as much moral support as is necessary to function as the leader of his family.


graemephillips, if you are talking about spanking, you need to do further research into child development. Spanking is never beneficial to a child, and destroys trust between the child and parent.

I think all Aspergian parents need to make sure to constantly develop a wider parenting vocabulary. A parenting vocabulary is the mental catalog of parenting techniques you can pull from. You don't want to end up doing just one parenting technique over and over. Like my parents who spanked over every little thing because they had no idea what else they could do. They had a parenting vocabulary of only one thing.


Posted by graemephillips:

I have no intention of doing any further research into child development. If the Bible describes it as mandatory (Proverbs 13:24), then as far as I'm concerned, I have absolutely no reason to look into things any further. It is my view that no human has any wisdom in excess of that in the Bible.

I fully agree that all parents need to have a wide vocabulary of techniques. A parent who only knows how to use spanking is a weak parent. Spanking should be used as part of a sliding scale of techniques (e.g. first offence verbal warning, second offence naughty corner and third offence spanking). If your parents found themselves spanking you (and any siblings you might have had) excessively, it suggests shortcomings in their application of the technique. Used properly, spanking is an essential tool for raising disciplined children, but used improperly, it either makes no difference or makes things worse.

[Bolding mine]

graemephillips, Wrong Planet 5 Comments [4/12/2019 5:21:44 PM]
Fundie Index: 3
Submitted By: JeanP

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DarkPhoenix

I have no intention of doing any further research into child development. If the Bible describes it as mandatory (Proverbs 13:24), then as far as I'm concerned, I have absolutely no reason to look into things any further. It is my view that no human has any wisdom in excess of that in the Bible.


And this is how a generation passes on their history of violence to the next one. By choosing to be a cog in the machine rather than using their God-given BRAIN...

4/12/2019 9:05:45 PM

Anon-e-moose

I have no intention of doing any further research into child development. If the Bible describes it as mandatory (Proverbs 13:24), then as far as I'm concerned, I have absolutely no reason to look into things any further


Careful. Because your - and therefore that of all other fundie Christains' life-or-death need to cherry-pick what suits their subjective 'Opinions'/'mindset' and as shown here, their equally life-or-death need to avoid the parts of Scripture that is doctrinally lethal to them - inherent Atheism is showing.

...and speaking as someone who was raised by a hardcore Atheist father who never so much as raised his voice to his kids, never mind his hand: but explained things in a calm & reasoned way to us when we were behaving in an unreasonable way, your move.

Especially when your kids become adults: and decide to move you to a shithole of an old peoples home, OP.

4/12/2019 11:17:34 PM

K'Zad Bhat

Spanking can have it's uses, sometimes, but if it's an always go to, whether it's first step or later, you really only prove that all you can do is follow the motions, you're not really thinking. Genuine discipline is about teaching kids why should do certain things, and not do others. The only really long term functional use of spanking is to use it for short term purposes . . . quickly getting the attention of a kid who isn't paying attention and about to do something dangerous. Usually it's best actually to smack at a hand, because it's usually when the kid is about to get into something, like touching a hot stove. Even then it's really better to grab and remove, but it's understandable if you don't really have the time to make sure to gently remove the child from trouble.

But if you're going to spank, and spank, and spank, all you really teach is that when people do things you don't like, it's okay to hit them. And when you spank harder when they try to hit back, then all you're teaching is that you should only hit weaker people.

4/13/2019 12:48:02 AM

Malingspann

when you spank harder when they try to hit back, then all you're teaching is that you should only hit weaker people


Spanking parent: "What, me a bully?"

4/13/2019 12:52:00 AM

Swede

The only thing spanking teaches, is that it's right to beat those who are smaller than you.

I have three siblings, and none of us were ever spanked by our parents.
They showed disappointment rather than anger when we behaved badly.

"Instead, she should be giving him as much moral support as is necessary to function as the leader of his family."


So, she should groom and cajole him into being the leader? I'd say SHE is then the leader in that scenario, and he's just a staffage figure.

4/13/2019 7:09:51 AM

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