Quote# 142344

I ascended. FINALLY.

Well, guys. It finally happened. I must say that at the ripe old age of 32 I finally fucked a willing foid.

It all happened after I indulged in some good ol' xvidz and stood up, hadn't been a while since I left my desk but I didn't remember the floor being so far from my face lol! Turns out JFLmaxx's been measuring his height while seated the whole time: 5'8" is my seated height -- I'm actually 6'4"!

So I walk to the restroom to clean the shame off my hands and inspect my face. I comb through my beard in a hopeless attempt to feel bone structure underneath and -- OUCH! I seem to have cut my hand. And wouldn't you know it! I shaved it all off to see what was the cause of the laceration. Yup, that's right: a razor sharp jaw line. LMAO! I couldn't believe it!

And with the depth perception error, my measured penis is actually 7" I thought it just looked small. Turns out I was just tall and it was just far.

On my way out I bumped into the door and my sunglasses came off (I have sensitive eyes) and was startled when I looked up, crystal clear blue eyes and light skin. LMAO I THOUGHT I WAS HISPANIC BECAUSE THE TINT OF THE LENSES MADE ME LOOK MEXICAN! I seem to be some sort of Scandinavian blend!

Oh MAN!

So anyway. I go to answer the door because these Mormons have been knocking at my door all week. Nope: a line of foids. They'd been there camped out the whole time.

Welp, I guess things end up working out for the best after all eh guys??



Oh, and ps. I still have Norwood 3 FYI.



Edit: LOL OMG I THOUGHT YOU GUYS MEANT THE SHOW DEADWOOD. No, I have Deadwood season 3!!! No I took off my beanie finally. My hairline is the exact angle and shape as my brow line. WHO. WOULD. HAVE. GUESSED.



Edit 2: Gold?? Thank you kind strangler! (:

JFLmaxxx, r/Braincels 11 Comments [2/9/2019 11:32:36 AM]
Fundie Index: 5
Submitted By: Pharaoh Bastethotep

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Malingspann

I THOUGHT I WAS HISPANIC BECAUSE THE TINT OF THE LENSES MADE ME LOOK MEXICAN! I seem to be some sort of Scandinavian blend! Society must close!

2/9/2019 12:03:08 PM

Skide

*takes a long, bubbling toke outta her bong* Do go on...

2/9/2019 4:10:21 PM



At first I was like this guy doesn't deserve to have sex. Then I was like wut?

2/9/2019 4:43:01 PM

SpukiKitty

Either this guy is being facetious or he's severely delusional.

This is the dumbest thing I've read all day.

2/9/2019 7:14:28 PM

Anon-e-moose


2/9/2019 9:01:07 PM

KingOfRhye

What the hell did I just read?

2/10/2019 1:18:16 AM

K'Zad Bhat

I can't tell if this is a serious incel trying his best to make fun of everything he's told by people who have a clue what they're talking about, all the while twisting his own sexist and racist bullshit into everything. Or if he's actually someone with a clue making fun of the incels and their stupid beliefs about how you have to be the perfect specimen they themselves look for in a sexual partner for anyone to give a damn about you.

2/10/2019 1:19:30 AM

Zinnia

@SpukiKitty & @K'Zad Bhat: A sufficiently extreme fanatic and a sufficiently skilled poe cannot be distinguished, so really, does it matter? This is a fucked-up thing which should not have been said, either way.

2/10/2019 2:13:30 AM

Swede

Fucked a willing foid?
I'll take "Things that never happened" for 200, please.

And... the more I read, the more my first reaction is confirmed.

IF this was true, it's like he decided when he was 12 that he was ugly as shit and no-one would want him, so he stayed in his mom's basement, spewing shit with like-minded on the Net for 20 years, lamenting the fact that no +8 models barged into his basement. Then he suddenly decided to stand up and look in the mirror, and whaddya know; he's not 12 any more!!!

Ya know, my country is full of people with light skin and blue eyes... You need more than that here, to make a girl interested. An open and friendly personality, for example. We're not all miserable and depressed up here, but it's hard to be cheery and positive this time of year, when it's minus 7 degrees Celsius and two feet of snow one day, and the next day it's plus five, rain and slush, and the sun is only up between 9 AM and 15 PM around new-year (here in the South of Sweden, that is, in the north it doesn't even go above the horizon at all).

2/10/2019 3:58:40 AM

Doubting Thomas

Kind of sounds like a parody of incels, but not sure.

2/10/2019 8:27:32 AM



Is this funddy or incel mockery?

2/11/2019 5:15:25 AM

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