[23/f] My boyfriend [30/m] is a pedophile who does not act on his desires. I am just looking for non-judgmental advice/support. Over a year ago I had found CP on my boyfriend's computer. It was all pee fetish stuff. I already knew he had a pee fetish from adult porn, but obviously I didn't know about the child stuff. I was devastated. I confronted him immediately and he agreed that he would never look at it again. For a few months he had installed a spyware software so I could be sure that I could trust him. He also went to counseling for a while. Anyway, I trust him, but sometimes its just really, really hard. I will think about the day that I found it and how I felt and how he must have felt and it drives me crazy. I sometimes just wonder if he thinks about it or thinks about it when we have sex. I am just looking for any insight that might be helpful. Honesty is appreciated, but no assholes please

There's "criminalizing thoughts" and then there's "possession of actual child pornography," the two aren't exactly equivalent.

I agree that this is absolutely a dealbreak

Luckily neither of us want to have kids together, but we have talked about marriage. I love him way too much to leave him. It's just hard to not criminalize his thoughts