Quote# 140434

Sermon 5: Growing the Church

By The Rev. William H. Grimes

Proverbs 11:30 "The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise."

Matthew 28:19 "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost"

Mark 16:15 "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature."

I've been focused on growing my local church, and I am proud of the work Bro. Steven has done with this new site. He is leading many souls to Christ with his phenomenal preaching on this site. Today, I seek mainly to provide encouragement in the soul winning going on here and the blessed work the Lord is doing with Bro. Steven and Bro. JD and this site.

It's a shame "Bro." James is apostate now, but we have won far more souls so we cannot let the rift he caused in the body of Christ to affect us too much.

If we do not preach the Gospel to every creature, PEOPLE WILL FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO OCCUPY THAT GOD-SIZED HOLE IN THEIR SOULS!!! SOME ARE TEMPTED BY THE FEMME FATALE WICKED ENCHANTRESS TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!! SHE IS TEMPTING MEN WITH HER SOUL CRUSHING LOOKS AND WICKED FAKE BREASTS AND SHE BRAZENLY SHOWS OFF HER LEGS!!!!!! THIS CANNOT STAND! SAY AMEN IN THE HOUSE OF GOD! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Some others choose wicked video games like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat and Banjo-Kazooie, and yet others turn to alcohol and prescription drugs and non-medical cannabis! We need to PRAY for these lost souls that they may find Christ!

The Bible says Christians will have many mockers in the last days, and an entire site is dedicated to mocking people, including us, who will stand against liberalism proudly! The Jewish sodomite controlled media will not tell you the truth, so WE have to answer the call from the Living God to PREACH the Word! I may be a mostly distant overseer of this new site, but I trust Bro. Steven will bring many souls to Christ!!!! YEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!

I TRULY BELIEVE WE ARE LIVING IN THE LAST DAYS, SO WE HAVE TO SAVE AS MANY SOULS AS POSSIBLE BEFORE OUR LORD RETURNS! NO CATHOLICISM, NO ORTHODOXY, NO PAPIST-LITE PROTESTANTISM, NO INFANT BAPTISM, NO "REAL PRESENCE," NO HERESY, NO FAKE PAPIST BIBLES, ONLY THE KJV! THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ERROR BECAUSE SO MANY ETERNAL SOULS ARE AT STAKE! God's people said AMEN!

The Rev. William H. Grimes, SimplyChristian 26 Comments [9/13/2018 8:31:13 PM]
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pyro

Now you're making me interested in Banjo-Kazooie. I've never played it; does anyone know if it is any good?

9/13/2018 8:32:31 PM

Kanna

"The Bible says Christians will have many mockers in the last days..."

Thank you, thank you very much. All the mocking your little heart desires, on tap. We aim to please.

9/13/2018 9:36:41 PM

Chloe

Bless their hearts.

9/13/2018 9:51:53 PM

Insult to Rocks

@pyro
It's an old N64 platformer in the collect-a-thon style, made by Rare back when they weren't terrible.
It's a really well liked and well remembered game, though in my opinion none of the N64's platformers have aged well.
For context, Grimes probably dislikes the game because it features an (evil) witch and a ( good) witch-doctor.

9/13/2018 10:10:17 PM

Kuyohashi

@pyro

If you like 3d mascot platformers in the vein of Crash Bandicoot or Mario 64, it's alright. Frankly, I found it tedious and maddening, although for some reason the Game Over screen was rather memorable.

Also, how old is this pot of Anachromism Stew? The BK reference screams early -2000's, but he mentions the holder of DJS' current restraining order herself, so...did Billy Grimes start this rant during the Bush admin, fall into a paralytic fugue state for eighteen years, then pick up right where he left off like Kei Kusanagi?

9/13/2018 11:51:41 PM

Zinnia

The Last Days™ - Keeping you alert for the End Times since 40 AD!

9/13/2018 11:56:23 PM

Skide

*Takes a puff from her joint*

Yeah, you pray little man.

9/14/2018 12:52:04 AM

TB Tabby

Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat, and Banjo-Kazooie?!

"One of these things is not like the others..."

9/14/2018 1:22:49 AM



Hearing Mortal Kombat be controversial again brings back memories. But I never played Banjo Kazooie. It didn't appeal to me. Tho in my defense I was teen at the time so that might be why. That said, why is it being put against 2 M rated games? You'd think they might know that but not William grimes.

9/14/2018 1:37:47 AM

Malingspann

GOD-SIZED HOLE


Is that a heart-shaped box?

9/14/2018 2:07:43 AM

Timjer

Pray however and how much you want, Grimer, I'll just keep having fun with my "wicked" video games. And when you die, full of misery, of burst arteries from all that angry, impotent screaming, I'll still be happily enjoying my video games. So not much will convince me you have the better end of the deal.

9/14/2018 2:55:59 AM

Happy Atheist

Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat, and Banjo-Kazooie...


Let us not forget the corrupting influence of films like Pulp Fiction, Saw, and Paddington.

9/14/2018 2:57:52 AM

heleninedinburgh

I like to imagine him sticking his arms out and doing an impression of an aeroplane as he says 'YEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!! '



an entire site is dedicated to mocking people, including us, who will stand against liberalism proudly!


Oooh, do you think that's us? Hello, Rev, if you're reading.
Also (just thought I'd mention it again briefly) your trans friend fucked off out of your nightmare church, haha, sucks to be you. I hope your other LGBT+ members follow her (yes, her, not his, she won't be a bloke however much you go WOOOOOOOOOOO! so get used to it) example. All of them. Especially the ones who are there to try to 'pray away the gay[/trans/whatever].' And especially especially the ones who tithe the most, so that you can find out for yourself how fabulous being on the dole isn't.

Yes, I'm a bitch, but I'm only saying it because I love you, in the best sanctimonious passive-aggressive xian tradition.

9/14/2018 4:58:04 AM

Doubting Thomas

I honestly can't believe you're getting many converts with all this crazy talk. At least no converts who aren't already as crazy as you are.

9/14/2018 6:32:00 AM

Someguy

"SOME ARE TEMPTED BY THE FEMME FATALE WICKED ENCHANTRESS TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!"

Welp, found another DJS rant... what's this? Another fundie that hates Taylor Swift for making him want to bang her so much?

"Wicked videogames like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat and Banjo-Kazooie..."

One of these is not like the other, one of these is different from the rest!


9/14/2018 7:47:20 AM

creativerealms

What if JD is James Wilson'

9/14/2018 7:51:12 AM

creativerealms

@ pyro

The first two are great, the third is an abomination against nature.

9/14/2018 7:52:54 AM

KingOfRhye

As far as I can tell (from reading the edit history) "SimplyChristian" is pretty much the product of just three guys.

And it's all pretty recent, apparently.

9/14/2018 7:57:41 AM

Anon-e-moose

wicked video games like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat and Banjo-Kazooie


Careful, Billy Grimy. Your Sega Megadrive... er, I mean Genesis-obsessed Jimmy Wilcum is showing.

And those games: with what I suspect about this particular quote, get with the times already. When id Software are already working on the first game based on id Tech 7 - "DOOM Eternal" - and are making sure it'll work on the Nintendo Switch of all things (really getting their shit together to ensure this new games engine that's far superior to id Tech 6 works with that portable console's all-in-one CPU/GPU by NVidia), never mind for the XBox One, PS4 & PC, it's time to crawl out from under that stone, lil' Jimmy... er, I mean Billy.

Because if what "DOOM IV" could do graphically was so mindblowing: especially with the 'Glory Kills'...!

9/14/2018 8:30:14 AM

Littleblueheathen

TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!! GAAAHHHHH!!!!

Dude, you're working DJS's side of the street!

9/14/2018 10:56:39 AM

creativerealms

@Anon if James is William (and Steve) then they are going all out with the James is a woman trapped in a man's body game. Really it's ether an act we are all falling for or I was wrong about them being the same person.

9/14/2018 11:34:30 AM

HotaruSobotka

What number of sites is No Testical-ment on now? Their old ones are still up.

9/14/2018 11:49:54 AM

Anon-e-moose

@creativerealms

If there are separate 'people' in this 'church': or it's all an elaborate & bizarre form of Schizophrenia exhibited by one person, I don't know. But considering how Jimmy Wilcum (a.k.a. 'Elvis is King' on RationalWiki; also previously a sysop on Andy Schaftafly's Conservapoodia) used the same exclamations as Billy Grimy here - the 'WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'s & 'OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!'s - previously; also here, I'm only going by what one can discern via these quotes. Also, this.

But the mention of videogames is something of a giveaway, as proved here by Steven Arse. Because when the Department of Defence are actively recruiting gamers to their R&D sections: and in operating Drones & other (as well as upcoming, from said R&D sections) forms of 21st Century hardware in the Digital Battlefield, where does that leave Jimmy... er, I mean Billy's 'argument'?

If "DOOM IV" & "Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus" have BBFC/PEGI ratings of '18': and it's certainly illegal for game shops etc to sell such games to people under 18 here in Britain, how can gaming be only for kids, Jimbo... er, I mean lil' Billy...?!

9/14/2018 11:52:17 AM

heleninedinburgh

Moose & creativerealms:
So are you saying that 'James Wilson' was not a transwoman but a William in a James's body? And is this Steven character another of his multiple personalities? And who or what is JD? the cat*?

I was going to say that if 'James Wilson' was, to put not too fine a point on it, made up, I'd be pissed off; but maybe (big maybe) other people saw the trans-positive things we said on the whole subject and felt better, so it maybe perhaps possibly hasn't been totally negative.

*MIAOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OWWOWWOWWWWWW! MIAOWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

9/14/2018 1:18:16 PM

Kanna

A gentleman would find something else to do other than stare, slack-jawed and drooling, at those "soul crushing looks" and "wicked fake breasts", Rev.

9/15/2018 5:25:47 AM

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