[A Creationist's take on] The Evolutionists' Prayer

Take me, Oh father, father of death...my beloved Natural Selection....mold and shape me by thine heavenly accidental powers...Caress me with your randomness. Father, take me to an unexplored world teeming with randomly-mutating lifeforms. Place me at the edge of thine virgin swamp that teems with smelly dead bones and rotting carcasses. Allow me to cascade naked through your wildnerness in search of more distant rotting swamps, that may reveal your true randomness.

Let me saunter with no purpose to the edge of a random tree-lined village of bug-picking, knuckle-dragging primates who are unaware of their awarenss, who are unmindful of their minds, who are unconcious of their conscousness. Let me witness their glorious orgies among different primate species where thine naturalistic love-juice is implanted in a variety of different homind species.

father, protect me from any unwelcome intelligence. Let my purpose be in your imaginary hands. Let me live by thine foundation of almighty accidental authority. Allow me to be controlled and dominated over forces that have no absolutely control. And please blind me, father, that thine accidental foundation of chance will somehow give me a randomly-mutated foundation of logic.

Finally father Natural Selection, I just pray that you will give me thine heavenly reward for a life of blind faith. It's not so easy to rationalize that the human mind could emerge from cattails in the swamp, but through your lack of wisdom, I am able to see it all happen in my mind. father, allow my very being to be nothing more than rotting corpse for all of eternity to witness. May you give me the ultimate reward of having bugs crawl happily through my eyesockets until all my flesh is completely stripped. May I lay in my box undisturbed by any metaphysical promise of future life.

Thank you father for allowing me to live randomly. Thank you for selecting me. Thank you for allowing me to be one of your fittest. In your randomness, Amen