You question why a man earning money for his family is vital for their respect and yet say you thought, at the time, that it was your husband's fault that you were in rough financial shape. It seems like your story is a case study as to why men should be the bread winners: it is very difficult for a wife to respect a man who performs the womanly role (likely poorly) of managing a household and taking care of children.

The reality is that for the vast majority of human history, romantic marriages have been the exception, not the norm. You might love your husband as a person. That makes sense, as you likely chose each other but I'm going to hazard a guess that you had the luxury to not have an arranged or very early (think: a 21 year and an 18 year old getting married after 3 months of closely chaperoned dating) marriage. For the other 95% of humanity, marriages have been economic arrangements primarily and personal arrangements eventually.

I'm happy to talk to you and have my theories and beliefs disproved and challenged, otherwise I wouldn't be here myself.