Contradictory normie advice
The common advice I often see here is to "approach a woman as a friend, an equal, without expecting or wanting to get any sex out of it". Apparently, the fact that we don't do this is why we're incel.
But then I also see people saying that befriending women is a terrible way to get laid, and you need to be direct with her about your intentions from the start.
28 comments
They just don't get it, do they?
Both advices work. Treat women like friends and equals, but not just to get laid and then move on. It's really not that hard.
Look, we "normies" can only give you so much advice until you guys have to start listening to it. We can't keep holding your hands for you and we can't have sex for you. And we certainly don't want to keep being blamed for your problems when we actually try to help you. So here's some extra advice for you: get off your lazy butts, stop whining, and actually start improving yourselves!
Oh, man!
Look, the problem is that you fret so much over this in the first place. You seem to treat interacting with women like something one could draw up as a flow-chart (which in itself kind of makes treating women as people impossible; interactions with us are not some kind of process KPI).
I don't know what advice to give you, except maybe: try being less like ... erm ... you or something.
The idea of incremental stages escapes their grasp, as does the very basic concept that when you approach ALL women with just one thing in mind and believing it's the only thing they're good for they will conclude you are a childish, one-dimensional, dullard who does not and will not ever see them as anything more than a service.
And in a panic of indecision, randomaccount goes into a complete meltdown in the presence of a female, and spends the rest of the evening whimpering in the corner.
Tip from an actual female: go with advice number one, unless money has already changed hands.
randomaccount22223: "The common advice I often see here is to "approach a woman as a friend, an equal, without expecting or wanting to get any sex out of it". Apparently, the fact that we incels don't see any reason to approach any woman OTHER than expecting or wanting sex escapes them!"
What will work is not seeing every encounter as a game or as you would see a singles bar. While some men may be successful with that approach (the Chads), the vast majority of relationships develop far more slowly and progress from there.
If you are indeed just looking for a one night stand, feel free to go to singles bars, etc. and make your intentions clear. However, you'll end up competing with the other men there that night and are far more likely to "lose." But even if you "win" tonight, you'll have to go through the same hassle again tomorrow night or next weekend or whenever.
If you are looking for permanent companionship, you might not get laid right away, but patience and keeping your eyes open away from those game-like settings will serve you well. Find a lady who might be too shy to go to those singles bars, etc. Develop a relationship, then you'll get laid anytime it's mutually agreeable and you won't have to work as hard any more.
@keppie: I guess I got lucky, because I got with a woman for what was supposed to be just a one-time screw, but things developed so she ended up liking me enough we actually turned it into a real relationship that's lasted for over a decade.
Just apply Whedon's law of the internet to real life: don't be a dick.
Honestly, it's not that hard: women can sense when you just want then for sex, so treat them as peers. If things flow well, then you do stuff like ask them out. Acting desperate and treating women like objects is a good way to turn them off
No, you're missing the point again. We're not telling you that becoming friends with a woman is "a terrible way to get laid", we're telling you that pretending to be a woman's friend just to get in her pants is incredibly transparent and nobody is going to go along with it. You need to put actual effort into becoming friends with a woman for anything, sexual or not, to come out of it. If sex is all you want, which it is, just fucking say so right away, and move on without all the insults, veiled death threats, and sour-grapes superiority complex if you don't immediately get it.
I think you just generated a sonic boom with how quickly the point went over your head.
I'm guessing you've never approached a woman with the thought, "I hope she likes me romantically but if she's a cool person, I'd be happy to become friends instead".
Incels are a cult built around an all-consuming, logic-defying, drive to fulfill what they see as life's imperative... no matter who has to get hurt. Incels are a cult that believes the world works in a way it does not no matter what evidence to the contrary is presented to them with a stubbornness Young Earth Creationists could not match. Incels are a cult believing themselves an oppressed elect, denied divine rights on earth. Incels are a cult assured of their own righteousness that would gladly watch the world burn deeming the rest of humanity sinners for existing.
Incels are a cult.
@Anon-e-moose .
Sorry, but friendship zone does exist. Not in the same way these assholes seem to think it does, but it's there...
... and, all in all, it's a pretty good place to be. If you have elements of empathy and want to be, you know, friends of other human beings.
But then I also see people saying that befriending women is a terrible way to get laid,
I think it's only your other incel friends who are saying that. Befriending a woman isn't a terrible way to get laid, but pretending to be a woman's friend just so you might get laid is a terrible idea. Women can always see through that. When you think that you deserve sex because you're a "nice guy," it's not going to work.
and you need to be direct with her about your intentions from the start.
Become a friend first, and then see if mutual feelings develop before stating your desires. Don't introduce yourself and then tell her that the only reason you're talking to her is because you want to fuck her. If you tell a woman that all women are only good for sex, then of course you're going to strike out. Women don't like being treated like sex objects.
FFS, I think we need to have a course for these idiots called "Dating 101."
Context and understanding where you stand is probably a good start. 90% of the time, you're probably going to get nowhere being a 'nice guy' friend at a bar. People aren't dumb, they know what people go to bars and clubs for other than the alcohol and crappy music.
The reverse can be said for libraries 90% of the time, you're not going to want to be jumping dick-first into a conversation with a woman because people go to the library to FRICKEN READ SHIT, if anyone is thinking of doing anything in the library, they've probably already planned it with someone, this isn't a porno.
And at the end of the day, this comment isn't about how to get laid, it's about how to understand social context so you have positive, enjoyable social interactions. Because if people have positive feelings towards you, they're going to want to be around you more.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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