I not long ago commanded an electric toothbrush to be healed in Jesus name and it suddenly started working because for weeks before it just made a low rumbling sound but wouldn't work and when I commanded it and stood on my faith, it worked. I had a pair of headphones that just died and commanded it to be fixed in Jesus name and it worked again.
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Prayus Jayzus, two miracles.
Next time, buy outside of Walmart, then you wouldn't have to bother the lord with such shit. Personally, I would be sending you a repair bill.
Fuckwit.
I can't be bothered to mock you now, for the national day of Slayer approaches, and so does Half-Life. That said, be gone!
Corrosion breaks loose on the connections in the toothbrush, and a broken circuit in the headphones realigns to reconnect. That's probably what you've got here.
God fixing shoddy minor appliances? Somebody is setting the bar for miracles reeeeeeally low. Any stage magician with five years' experience can easily blow away "miracles" like these with far more impressive ones.
~David D.G.
uh oh. Just had a Douglas Adams moment.
Had started out thinking about "What Would Jesus Repair"
Then started thinknig it'd be hilarious to break into his house, steal his toothbrush, ...clean my dogs ass with it, take a picture and return the toothbrush and mail him the photo a few weeks later no wrong urban myth - derailed... Steal his toothbrush and write him a note saying it had been raptured.
So, the Douglas Adams moment involved the meek and subservient (toothbrushes) of the world all being raptured up to heaven to a land of constant running water, in much the same way that biro's migrate back to their home planet. (Not to mention the 'mice were furious' and 'so long and thanks for all the fish' moments where man think's it's the pinnacle of evolution)
(Isn't taking the Lord's name in vain blashphemy?)
I once flipped the light switch and the light went off at the exact same time! I assumed that there was a connection. And I was right!
The Soulless one, however, is most probably wrong about his coevent-interpretation.
"I not long ago commanded an electric toothbrush to be healed in Jesus name and it suddenly started working because for weeks before it just made a low rumbling sound but wouldn't work and when I commanded it and stood on my faith, it worked. I had a pair of headphones that just died and commanded it to be fixed in Jesus name and it worked again."
Funny. I once had a hard drive that - when I tried to use it as an external storage facility - it wouldn't work. Yet, when I used another external USB enclosure, it worked fine.
PROTIP: a discharged rechargeable battery, if held in the hand, will give out current for a few minutes. Electrochemistry is a funny thing, as the likes of Faraday & Volta will tell you. And - unless there's a loose wire between the plug or the driver (magnet/coil) - headphones won't work unless they're plugged in*.
The 9th Commandment says you're going to Hell, o Soulless One. Lying for Jebus, much?
*- Unless they're Bluetooth ones made by Sennheiser, in which case, welcome to the Smartarses Club!
You have a great future in store for you as a master automobile mechanic. Open your own garage and just command the broken down vehicles to be healed in Jesus' name. You could make a fortune and give half of it to the church of your choice.
Low overhead. No equipment, parts, or supplies required. It is a simple way to get rich quick.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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