Quote# 107113

March 2015

Dear Friends of Jesus,

I was drenched in sweat. The service had concluded. I said my good-byes and was ready to leave. I was ready to get back to the hotel to take a nice shower and get some rest however the Holy Spirit was still at work. A lady came up to me, with her husband, wanting some prayer. I briefly stopped and prayed for her before leaving for the night. That's when an explosive spirit surfaced.

Her body shook and convulsed and glared at me with hatred.

"I'm paralysis," the demon spirit told me, "I'm here because of her union with her husband. I was in him. I have been in his bloodline for many generations. I cause her blindness that is why she is wearing glasses! I do so much more; I cause her body to experience paralysis to torment her."

While confronting this spirit I took off her glasses and commanded the demon to take off the blindness. It wanted to battle me so I called forth the holy angels of God. They swiftly arrived and stood ready to battle the invading demons. I had them draw out their swords and strike the demons. They did and the demons groaned in agony. They gave up. The power of God was too much. All of the demons were bound up quickly and sent directly to the pit. They came out and as my precious sister in the Lord resurfaced from her demonized state she SHINED with the light of Jesus!

She looked around and was SHOCKED! She looked utterly astonished! Amazed and the first words out of her mouth said it all:

"I CAN SEE!"

No more glasses for her anymore! She came in wearing glasses; left without wearing them. Miraculously healed by the Lord Jesus of a form of blindness! She could see 100% clearly! She was so happy; she just laughed and laughed with the joy of the Lord resting upon her!

MY FRIENDS, I HAVE WITNESSED TENS OF THOUSANDS OF MIRACLES ON 6 CONTINENTS: I have raised the dead, removed objects and animals from bodies, seen every kind of sickness cured, millions of demons removed, millions of dissociative identities healed and yet when I see another wonder of God I feel like I just witnessed one for the very first time. I STILL get that excited! It's still refreshing to see the hand of God move on precious souls.

Just when I thought I was done for the night; another extraordinary miracle take place. It was stunning to witness; so beautiful. As I often tell everyone; even when we are walking out we often see great wonders take place.

Jay Bartlett

Jay Bartlett, Jay Bartlett Missions 32 Comments [3/17/2015 3:16:33 AM]
Fundie Index: 13
Submitted By: ConcernedCultist

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Ivurm

No bathtub? Jay, I'm unimpressed. Call me when you find bigger fish to stab.

3/17/2015 3:23:02 AM

Mister Spak

Oh, yeah? Well I killed 3 orcs, and I'm only a 1st level cleric!

3/17/2015 4:04:46 AM

Hasan Prishtina

Now I have an limbless friend I'd like you to meet...

3/17/2015 4:25:43 AM

anothga

I cause her blindness that is why she is wearing glasses!
If you're going to lie, mister Jay Bartlett, at least think things through. Blind people don't wear glasses because glasses are useless to them since, you know, blind people can't see.

3/17/2015 4:44:20 AM

Bay of Fundie

"Drenched in sweat", "explosive spirit", "Her body shook and convulsed", "draw out their swords", "removed objects and animals from bodies".

Why do all these "healing" stories vaguely sound like porn?

3/17/2015 5:04:01 AM

Kuno

A demon called “paralysis” causes blindness… Huh.

And Jay didn’t notice that she is blind until the “demon” pointed it out to him!?

And why do the angels of the Lord have to wait until a puny human asks them to remove demons? Why can’t they just do it?

MY FRIENDS, I HAVE WITNESSED TENS OF THOUSANDS OF MIRACLES ON 6 CONTINENTS: I have raised the dead, removed objects and animals from bodies, seen every kind of sickness cured, millions of demons removed, millions of dissociative identities healed and yet when I see another wonder of God I feel like I just witnessed one for the very first time.

Yeah sure, you raised the de… Wait a minute!!! You removed animals from … bodies? Ewwwww!

3/17/2015 5:31:52 AM

Empress

After that, I went back to my motel and fought Leviathon in the bathtub and then moseyed on down to the library to watch cross-dressing Satan use the computer.

LSD is fun!!!

3/17/2015 6:23:40 AM



Confess, how many mushroom you took before the apparition?

3/17/2015 6:28:41 AM

J.T.

MY FRIENDS, I HAVE WITNESSED TENS OF THOUSANDS OF MIRACLES ON 6 CONTINENTS

"... AND I DIDN'T THINK TO BRING A VIDEO CAMERA FOR ANY OF THEM."

3/17/2015 6:45:15 AM

tfaddict

Can you please direct me to your drug dealer?

3/17/2015 7:05:00 AM

Goomy pls

You forgot the McDonald's angels and the Bathtub Leviathon.

3/17/2015 7:27:03 AM

Herp Derpington

removed objects and animals from bodies

I don't know where I would be today if Jay Bartlett hadn't pulled that moose out of my ass.

3/17/2015 7:33:56 AM

ConcernedCultist

http://silenthill.wikia.com/wiki/Bartlett_Family

This is what I have been concerned about.

3/17/2015 7:41:29 AM



And yet, amputees continue to go unhealed by your kind. Speaks volumes don't you think?

3/17/2015 8:13:15 AM

Doubting Thomas

Wait... if the demon of paralysis was inhabiting her body, how did she manage to walk up to you and her body shake?

And how many things did she bump into as she left because she didn't have her glasses on?

3/17/2015 8:36:36 AM

The Reptilian Jew


3/17/2015 8:47:54 AM

Jamaican Castle

You know, ten thousand miracles is one every day for thirty years. That's a lot to fit in your schedule.

3/17/2015 9:20:59 AM

tfaddict

@The Reptilian Jew

I would totally see that!

3/17/2015 9:29:15 AM

JohnTheAtheist

When you do this for an amputee let me know.

3/17/2015 9:35:54 AM

PJ{

EDIT: OHP.
(Mental note: no more staying up four hours past the blurred vision stage of sleep deprivation.)

Why don't you idiots just retcon lying's status as a sin and get it over with? It's just about the only thing you do with a truly religious level of devotion anymore.

3/17/2015 9:55:13 AM

NotaReptile

You do realize that glasses don't magically let blind people see right? They correct for misaligned vision quite well, but that's a far cry from going from blind to being able to see.

Just as well, medical records or it didn't happen. With names, dates, and detailed reports about her visual acuity before and after. All from a non-partisan third party, with a medical degree in optometry.

You sound like your lying your ass off, as so many of your fellow faith healers have before.

3/17/2015 9:58:28 AM

Yossarian Lives

How much money do you charge to deal with these demons? I bet it's a lot, you've got to make some dosh off the gullible.

"That's when an explosive spirit surfaced."

That wasn't an explosive spirit, it was a nitro splicer.

3/17/2015 10:29:53 AM

Kanna

Jesus-porn. Highly imaginative, ready-for-comic-book downright Poe-level Jesus-porn. Remind me never to approach a pastor who is drenched in sweat.

3/17/2015 10:45:01 AM

The Reptilian Jew

@tfaddict
It is a thing that exists, or will exist, apparently.

3/17/2015 10:48:10 AM

Insult to Rocks

Bartlett? This must be a rejected script for West Wing. Good thing it was cut, too, as it makes no fucking sense.

3/17/2015 1:50:50 PM

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