I've been a longstanding member and contributor to this subreddit and the LGBTQ community, but because of the nature of this subject, and the taboos that go along with it, I'm going to reply using this new account, both for my own privacy, and because I've seen firsthand what accusations of even just sympathy for pedophiles can do to a person's reputation. I know we in the LGBTQ community feel like we have been victimized by society's bigotries and for most of us violence or the threat of violence has been a way of life at various points in our lives. What we have been through, or continue to go through, is really nothing compared to what pedophiles go through, and anyone even suspected of being one is treated like an absolute monster. Imagine not only being physically assaulted, but being under constant threat of murder and having to flee not only your home but your entire country, forced to change your name, and live a life of constant fear, not just during your childhood while there are bullies after you for being "different", but forever. That is what pedophile activists have and continue to face. There's no "It Gets Better" for pedophiles.
I'm not willing to risk my own account here and good name to discuss this very taboo and dangerous subject. I think it's incredibly brave of you, silentGL, to even come here and speak to us. I hope you're taking precautions and staying safe.
To answer your questions first: 1) Yes. It is clear by any reasonable definition that MAPs are a GSM. I also think it's shameful and cowardly that we in the LGBTQ community kicked you guys out way back when just to make our own lives moderately easier.
Furthermore I think that MAPs will eventually gain more public acceptance and that history will look back at what we did and judge us poorly for it. I think it may have even set some of us in the GSM community back, and made it easier for those resisting social change to divide us and make us weaker overall. 2) Yes. I would be open to MAPs potentially being part of the GSM community again.
We never should have kicked you out to begin with. Now that homosexuals and bisexuals have largely achieved widespread acceptance, many are already separating themselves from some of the more rare gender/sexual minorities that have been left behind. Pedophilia, hebephilia, etc. would probably even be an asset since those orientations seem much more commonplace. If people can be more tolerant of MAPs as individual human beings deserving basic human dignity, they can be more tolerant of all GSMs. 3) My thoughts on MAPs overall, it's hard to say. I would like to believe that there are about as many rapists among MAPs as there are rapists among any other sexual orientation. In other words, a small minority of individuals with violent or sociopathic tendencies who aren't interested in having sex as much as they are interested in control and power, and forcible sex is their means of getting that power. I have read that a large number of convicted child molesters have no preferential sexual interest in children, but that children made for a convenient target while they were in the mood to hurt somebody. It's a shame that these criminals, many of whom are not actually MAPs, have painted your entire sexual orientation as monsters.
I do have some personal experience with a minor-attracted person, who I guess would be more precisely classified as a pedophile. When I was five and six years old, a family friend/neighbor and I developed a very strong bond. He was the complete opposite of the pedophile stereotype. He was handsome, he was very sociable and confident, and he was the gentlest person I've ever known. My parents would have him baby sit me, either at his house or mine, and we got along great. I loved and trusted him, and he never had to tell me he loved me back, it was clear in his actions from the very start. He wasn't like other adults, he respected me as an individual, showed he cared what I had to say and genuinely wanted to know what I was thinking. He didn't bully me or boss me around like other adults, or ignore my thoughts and feelings, or treat me as being somehow less than because of my age. I could tell he was different, and I think he knew I was different too.
All the talk from people answering silentGL's questions, saying stuff about kids being unable to consent, I find it remarkable. How many of you knew from an early age that you were different, that your feelings about gender or sexuality were different from other kids? How would you feel if somebody told you you didn't know what you were talking about, that your feelings are irrelevant or unimportant when you're that age? I remember very clearly coming out to my parents in 8th grade, and the hurt I felt when they belittled my orientation as "just a phase". They didn't trust me to make up my own mind about my sexuality then, and many of you are doing the same now to every child that might want a relationship with an adult. You should all take a closer examination of your own childhood feelings. You knew more about yourself back then than you are giving kids credit for today.
Anyway, I was different, and so was he. We both knew it without saying a word. He was the only adult I could really talk to about it though. My parents were conservative and kept pushing me into being more girly, more "normal". They didn't get me, but my closest friend, an adult male, he loved me for me. He encouraged me to play how I wanted, and feel how I wanted, and he'd always listen with great care and attention to when I said things about feeling different from other girls. See, I knew I was supposed to like boys, and I did like boys. But I also liked girls. I was six years old and already knew I was bisexual, I just didn't have the vocabulary for it or knew what sex was all about. This man, this pedophile, he not only accepted me for my orientation, but he told me there was nothing wrong with it either. He encouraged me to express myself, he let me draw pictures of two girls holding hands and being married. If I did that at home, my mom would frown and tell me that couldn't happen and that I should only draw pictures of a boy and a girl living together in a house.
When I was seven years old, the relationship I had with my much older neighbor did become something more than just close friendship
. My curiosities about sex led me to very aggressively proposition him. There will be those who say he groomed me, or somehow manipulated me into a sexual relationship, but I was the seducer and he was one of the best lovers I've ever had.
One of the reasons I am writing this using a new anonymous account is because I don't want this story to ever be traced back to him. I will always protect him, because even now many years later, I still love him and think of those afternoons at his house with nothing but fondness. I am insulted by those questioning my ability to consent to that relationship, which lasted a full five happy years before I felt I ought to end it, and I can only laugh at the irony of people in this community claiming an unconventional relationship like ours can only result in harm to the child. I ended the relationship, by the way, because I didn't want to hurt him by cheating on him, and at the time I was falling in love with a girl at my school.
He was disappointed, but respected my decision, and never pressured me into any more sex even though we continued to be close friends for many years after.
The confidence and strength he gave me growing up, not only in my own sexuality but in myself as a person, is really what helped me survive the hardest years of middle school and high school, struggling to be a bi girl whose parents thought it was just a phase, and the many cruelties that other children heaped on her. It didn't matter that our sexual relationship had ended, I could still go over to that man's house after school and cry on his shoulder and tell him about my awful day. He'd hug me and tell me things would get better, and that the people who hated me were just stupid and ignorant. He wasn't somebody who had exploited me, or used me, he was a man who loved me, the whole me, and always treated me with respect and dignity.
While I cannot say for certain that every MAP in the world is like that man I knew, I do know men like him do exist, and can be a positive in the life of a child. I still get so much strength from his words to me when I was young. When I am having sex today, with a man or a woman, I always remember my first time not as a traumatic experience, but as the high bar of which I judge the generosity and respect I receive in my intimate encounters as an adult. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, precisely because that generous and loving man from my childhood taught me about how natural and wonderful it can be to express, with anyone I love. I learned from him that love is never wrong, and I have the self-esteem and self-respect to know what I deserve in relationships and demand I get it.[It breaks my heart to think that man I loved as a young girl would be arrested, called a monster, and locked away for loving me as much as I loved him.
So yes, silentGL, I have empathy for your kind, just as I have empathy for people of all kinds. I will judge you and others of your sexual orientation on a case-by-case basis, as individuals capable of both good and evil, the same as people of any sexual orientation. I have no more or less reason to be suspicious of you, as I would be suspicious of anyone else. I do hope that, whether you act on your feelings or not, you keep yourself safe and you always show respect for the dignity of those you are attracted to. I
hope the world can change for you as much as I've already seen it change for me, and continues to hopefully change for all of us. I hope others who are like me, and remember now as adults such relationships as joyful loving occasions, will also speak out.
privacyplease1234567, reddit 1 Comments
[4/3/2018 10:03:22 PM]
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